When the Body Says No:
What Gabor Maté Teaches About Emotions and the Body

You are the one who always says "I'm fine", the one who takes care of everyone, who keeps all the balls in the air, who finds it hard to say "no" even when she is exhausted, the one who swallows her anger so as not to be a burden on anyone.

And then, one day, your body says what you never allowed yourself to say.

Dr. Gabor Maté, a Canadian physician and author, gave his book on this subject a simple, piercing title: When the Body Says No, and it touches a pattern that many women recognise in themselves immediately.

What Dr. Maté invites us to look at

Dr. Maté invites us to look at the connection between the way we live and what happens in the body.

His central idea is this: when we live for long years under ongoing stress, when we suppress our feelings again and again, when we never stop to listen to ourselves - the body goes on carrying it for us. Until sometimes it asks, in its own way, that we listen.

This is an invitation to a gentle question: how am I living? What am I not allowing myself?

What happens in the body under chronic stress

Here my scientific background helps me be precise. Our body has a system that manages the stress response - an axis connecting the brain to the adrenal gland, regulating stress hormones through the sympathetic nervous system.

This system is wonderful when it works for a short time, mobilising us in the face of a threat and then settling once the danger has passed.

But when stress becomes chronic, when it never ends, this system stays on alert all the time. Research shows that ongoing stress has wide-ranging effects on the body, which is why chronic stress deserves a place in the conversation about our health. According to Unifying Integrative Medicine, prolonged stress wastes precious life energy and lowers our vitality. In this approach, the basis of all illness is a consciousness of survival and fear, in which we live under constant pressure.

"Type C personality" - does this sound familiar?

Dr. Maté describes a behavioural pattern he calls the "Type C personality". It is not a diagnosis and not a label, but a description of a way of living.

A woman with a Type C personality is the one who is always nice, who does not get angry out loud, who puts everyone else's needs before her own, who identifies with the role of the caretaker, the supporter, the strong one. I was exactly like that.

If you read those sentences and felt a small pang of recognition - pause for a moment. Not in order to blame yourself. The opposite - in order to ask gently: when was the last time I put myself first?

Listening, not blaming

And here I want to stop and be completely clear.

Nothing written here says that you caused your own illness. You are not to blame. Illness is never a punishment or a sign that you did something wrong. Anyone who turns Maté's words into a pointing finger has missed all the depth in them. According to the integrative approach, nothing in this life happens to us randomly or by accident, and behind every crisis or illness stands a spiritual lesson we came to learn, and through which we grow and are set free. Cancer, or any other illness, serves as a lever for our spiritual development.

That is why an invitation to look inward is the exact opposite of blame. It is gentle, it is curious, it asks "what can I learn about myself?" instead of "what did I do wrong?"

Dr. Maté's direction, when we listen to it properly, is a liberating one. It says: you are allowed to say no. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed not to be the one everyone leans on, especially when you are tired. You are allowed to put yourself first. You are allowed to set boundaries.

What you can do with this

This reflection does not have to stay an idea. It becomes a small daily practice:

• Practise saying "no" - even one small "no" a day. Notice how it feels in your body. I practised this for six months. I simply said "no" to everything, just to break my habit of always saying "yes".
• Give anger a place - not by exploding, but simply by acknowledging it: "I am angry, and it is okay to feel this."
• Ask "what do I need?" - a question that women who care for everyone have almost forgotten to ask.
• Stop and listen to your body - not out of fear, but out of gentleness. The body speaks. We only need to learn to listen.

A framework, not a substitute

What is written here is an invitation to reflection and self-listening - a complementary emotional and mental framework. It is not a medical determination, and it does not replace diagnosis, monitoring, or professional medical and psychological treatment.

If you are facing cancer or another illness, continue with all the tests and treatments you have been given, and seek professional guidance for any question. What I am offering is an additional space - alongside medicine, never in its place.

If Dr. Maté's words touched something in you, perhaps this is your time to stop and listen to yourself gently. To learn to say "no", to express what is inside, and to come home to yourself. In a personal process at the clinic, or in the "Healing from Breast Cancer" group program, this is exactly what we do - together and gently.

With love, Tali